Sunday, April 24, 2016

Jurassic World Watchfest Commentary


I just watched JW for the first time today. As I did so, I began liveblogging my reactions to the plotholes. Let me just say, I’m an English/literature major that wants to write novels for a living. So, I have studied clichés and plotholes in narratives. I thought it would be fun to clean up and repost my reactions here:


UPDATE #1
I think I solved the whole stupid movie before it’s even begun:

Why doesn't every single dinosaur have a collar on that, when remotely controlled, administers either an injection of tranquilizer or a lethal shock of some sort?

Oh, raptors escaped. Push a button and they're all asleep. Done.

Or maybe make a leg-brace that can lock up and prevent them from moving, remotely. Either way.


UPDATE #2
So, giant mutant T-rex monster gets out of the cage and escapes....

THE RESPONSE IS TO SEND GROUND UNITS??!?

Seriously, one of the men carried a SHOCK BATON. They put a man with a STICK to fight a T-rex.

SEND A HELICOPTER WITH SNIPERS.


UPDATE #3
They just showed a scene where people were kayaking down a river with a stegosaurus next to it. That would never happen.

That’d be like letting zoo guests boat in the same ponds as elephants. No way. There would be too much legal recourse.


UPDATE #4
The kids are alone in hamster ball cars and a warning came over to return to base. In a world more advanced than the one we're in now, with self-driving cars, how does this park not have an auto-return to base feature for these such emergencies?


UPDATE #5
So, the parents sent the nephews to the business woman who runs the entire park, during her work week. A week where she's unveiling a major new attraction to investors, and the parents expect her to spend the entire day with the two kids that she barely even knows??

This is her WORK. I don't feel like this woman is unlikable in the slightest. It's not like she's on vacation. She's doing the best she can.


UPDATE #6
Now, it's business woman and Chris Pratt ON FOOT searching for the kids. WHERE ARE THE HELICOPTERS WITH SNIPERS?

I kinda get that they don't want to kill mega t-rex because of the money investment, but how much more money will they lose when news of its escape and killing of many people hits the public?


UPDATE #7
Now, their ideas to kill mega t-rex is the set loose raptors...


UPDATE #8
This park has HUNDREDS of the same pterodactyl monster. What zoo has hundreds of the same exact bird? Also, WHY ARE ALL THE CAGES MADE OF GLASS???


UPDATE #9
My final update: So, setting loose the raptors to kill the mega t-rex worked so well... that they decided the only way to stop the mega t-rex and the now-evil raptors... IS TO SET LOOSE ANOTHER T REX??

Why was it content to just walk away? Why wasn’t it bloodthirsty and crazy?

Not to mention, that giant water dino is allowed to go throughout all the waters in the park, is a known jumper/biter, and they don't have it fully enclosed??? What prevented it from jumping out and eating park guests before this end-scene moment where it kills the evil-t-rex? How is this safe?