Jim loved shopping online. He held the icepack to his head and examined the fine craftsmanship that went into his new nunchucks.
I took all six pairs of scissors, all three pairs of nail clippers. I packed away all the batteries, including the ones in the remotes. Your bookmarks went missing, so did all of the Pixar movies. The spoons, mine. My lesbian friend ate the shrimp cocktail you’d been saving in the freezer. I took the tape, the coffee strainer, the cloth grocery bags. All those little things you never think to buy until you need them crucially.
As I locked the door to our apartment for my final exit, I dashed back one last time to grab the toilet paper. Maybe your new lover has extra to share.
Nobody Liked Terry
It’s not just us, officer. Max told me that Terry’s sister said she hated him because of how bad he smelled. I live next door to Terry, and his mother screams at him all the time, sir. Johnny’s the one who found a beehive, and the only thing I did was stick it inside the piñata. It took a whole roll of tape.
All the kids in the neighborhood got together and threw a party for him on his birthday. We stuck a candle in a chocolate chip muffin for cake. We even put up yellow streamers and shot bottle rockets. Terry was excited to think that he finally had made friends, and he practically peed his pants when he found out about the party. He’s so fat that he ate the entire muffin in one bite. Even with the blindfold, he knocked the piñata down in one hit. The bees swarmed out of the hive as Terry dove for the candy.
Me and Max both got stung, and it really hurt, but it turned out that Terry was allergic. We didn’t want to get in trouble, so we hid him inside the storm drain under the road.
Can I have a cup of water?